Wednesday, December 17, 2008

What I've been doing instead of writing...

I could blame my lack of writing this month to the usual seasonal pressures: shopping, parties, events, etc...but that wouldn't be fair. You see, even though all of these things have been occurring and have been taking up my time, I'd like to blame my lack of writing on my new singular obsession: Brit's new album, Circus. And since I've been listening to this album, oh, lets say 24/7 since my brother introduced it to my apartment, I thought I'd give you all the run down on which songs you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DOWNLOAD as opposed to those rare Britney songs that won't go down on the list of Instant Crappy Music Classics.

Womanizer: Please. We've all heard it, we all love it, and it makes us think of Chuck Bass. I can't believe you didn't download this song months ago. Do it now. I'll wait.
Circus: In my humble opinion, the best song on this album. Makes me strut down the sidewalk as if Tyra and Ms. Jay were watching.
Out from Under: Two problems. Too slow and, sadly, too relatable. Sorry Brit Brit, I don't want to feel like we have similar life problems. I've watched your documentary. It's too scary to think about.
Kill the Lights: Even though the phrase "I kiiiiilled the lights" is maybe the most annoying in music history, Britney's minions refer to her as the Queen of Pop, so totally worth it.
Shattered Glass: I really like this one, although I shudder to think of Britney channelling Annie Lennox. You are a performer, Brit, Annie was a singer. Know your role and we'll be ok.
If You Seek Amy: Pure poppy (ie slutty) genius. A must-listen.
Unusual You: Again, Britney, stick with what you know. It's too slow and boring. Oh, this guy is so great, blah blah blah. Unless he makes you want to shave your head, move on, thanks.
Blur: This song makes me think of that one time (many years ago) that I did 4 Irish Car Bombs in 20 minutes and then made out with an indeterminable amount of people and then woke up, fully clothed, contacts on, in my bed, at 7am. And then I went to the Natural History Museum because I felt like I had done severe damage to my brain, and had probably forgotten math. Now, I'm younger than Britney but haven't done something like this in 3 years and probably never will again. It seems as though our girl does it all the time. Right on Brit -- THIS is how you live vicariously.
Mmm Papi: Let Christina stick to the Latin hits, sweetie. If you want to branch out, do country.
Mannequin: Haven't been able to get into this one, but my roommate likes it. I leave the opinions on this one to her.
Lace and Leather: Good old fashioned Britney. Very poppy, and adorably innocent while trying to be dirty. Bitch is dangerous.
My Baby: Oh, Britney. We know you love your kids, but don't sing about them. Not on the same album as songs about not remembering what you did the night before. If you really want to pay homage to your kids, make another song like If You Seek Amy. We all understand how biology works...we'll make the connection.
Radar: Britney describes, in detail, every guy who has lead her into her spiral of shame. And then she indicates that she is STILL LOOKING FOR THIS GUY. Um, +2 (shout out to the Daily Intel), because she totally would.
Rock Me In: Neutral. Not the best, but I wouldn't kick it out of bed (um, change it on itunes? What were we talking about?)
Phonography: This gets extra points because I guarantee Britney was like, "Pornography is dirty, so I bet the word Phonography is dirty too." Well, no honey, but close enough, we'll give it to you. Especially for the lines: "I need my blue tooth/buttons coming loose/I need my hands free." Because, brilliant.

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