A New Scientific Hypothesis

This morning, I had to run a few things down to the museum. I had three posters in my hand, as well as a heavy bag on my shoulder. It was drizzling slightly, and I was in a hurry. So anyone that knows me will not be surprised that, while crossing the street, I completely bit it in front of two crossing guards. And because I was carrying a few things, I couldn't even catch myself. Before I knew it, I was lying on the ground in the middle of Liberty Street.

Embarrassing, yes. Uncommon, no.

For someone who has played sports her whole life, I am freakishly klutzy. I fall often, and it has even landed me in the hospital (and almost did today, due to my superhypochondria and the tiny headache that I probably had from drinking last night but wanted to attribute to the slight bump on my head). I have always wondered why this was -- and recently I read something that gave me a little insight.

In a book entitled, "Your Inner Fish," my eyes were opened to the way our ears (and entire bodies) have evolved throughout the past 3.5 billion years. I learned (among many other things) even more about how our inner ear controls hearing, balance, and acceleration. Acceleration aside, I am clearly lacking in two out of these three areas. Could my inability to stay upright have anything to do with my love of bad music? Are these two things intertwined, and if so, do I have an inner ear deficiency that leads to my desire to listen to twangy country and crappy pop? More importantly, if I start listening to better music, will I fall down less?

You know what? I can handle a few trips to the hospital. I'll stick with Britney.

A Scientific Hypothesis

It is no secret that my taste in music is, well, eclectic. I've never been able to fully explain why it is that I love Britney, rock out to country, and listen to Christmas music 10 months a year, especially because these music preferences don't really fit my personality. Most of my friends have very distinct tastes in music and can't understand why my auditory cortex has failed me so. And up until last week, I questioned the same thing.

Rewind to last Monday morning. The day before I embarked on a 7 hour plane ride, I realized that my trusty earphones had completely fallen apart. Now, most people would just go out and by new earphones, but I've always had a very interesting ear predicament. Namely that anything that I place in my ears with a consistency harder than a cotton ball causes a fairly intolerable amount of pain (and I have a high pain tolerance). I knew that I couldn't make this trip without my ipod, but the thought of new earphones worried me. I bit the bullet, listened to two separate people at Best Buy, and bought a pair of purple earphones that they claimed to be the most comfortable in the world.

Minutes later, I placed the new earphones in my ears and started running on the elliptical at my nearby gym. Sure enough, within about 30 seconds my ears were pulsing and I was forced to watch Friends in silence. "I have made a horrible mistake," I thought, but it was too late to correct it. I would have to grin and bear it on the plane or hope that my ears became less sensitive in the next 24 hours.

Flash forward to the plane ride. I desperately wanted to try again, but when I placed the buds in my ears, it immediately felt as though someone was attempting to stuff a lemon through my ear canal and into my brain. I took them out, and in an act of desperation, placed the left bud into my right ear and vice versa. Shockingly, placing the ear phones in the wrong ear produced absolutely no pain! I realized in that instant that I had been living for almost 26 years with misshapen (and perhaps backwards) ear canals without ever knowing it! I listened to music and watched the in flight movie with no problems, and have since been to the gym completely free of ear pain. It may sound like a slight victory, but to me this new found freedom is the equivalent of speaking in tongues.

But it did get me to thinking -- could my medical anomaly be complicating the flow of music into my brain? Is Britney's new album so appealing because my temporal lobe is getting mixed signals from my confused ear drums? I am more than willing to donate my body to science to get this all figured out. So if any of you know any neuroscience majors looking for a really kick ass (or asinine (?)) thesis, please send them my way. If anyone can save me from 20 more years of boy band reunions, I'm willing to give it a try.

The interweb justifies my blog!

Every holiday season, I rely on Pandora to provide me my Christmas music fix at work (I go into heavy detox in January). Whilst listening to my "Jingle Bells Radio" station yesterday, I stumbled upon a new feature...the ability to use three sliders (labeled "BPM," "Funkmeter" and "Popularity") to tailor a radio station that perfectly reflects your tastes. "Well, I should try that," I thought, "just to see what happens!" I intently placed my sliders where I believed they belonged (where did I REALLY fall on the spectrum of "Hold the Funk" to "Funktastic?") and anxiously pressed the "Launch Station" button to determine my perfect mix of music...

What song would be chosen as the first among the best music for my taste? What artist or group had tailored their songs specifically to my liking?

Don't worry kids -- even the interweb knows that I like bad music. The first song? "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely," by the Backstreet Boys. Oh Pandora, you know me too well...