Saturday, July 19, 2008

How can I be "angsty" while dancing to Bon Jovi?

While dutifully working at my cubicle on Wednesday, I stumbled upon this article. Now, before you say anything, I understand the dangers of holding up CNN as a beacon of news "truth." But who am I kidding, sometimes I get pulled in by headlines such as "Yikes! 8ft snake found in laundry" (how is this news?) and "Teens free neighborhood from fear" (If they are so good at fighting fear, can we get their help with the war on terror?). But I digress...

As a single gal, I can *kind of * understand the reasoning behind this article. Going through what I like to refer to the "first wave" of friend weddings, I have been alone at these ceremonies on more than one occasion. However, I would like to point out some resounding flaws, lest those overeager brides try to follow CNN's advice.

* We single girls actually aren't all "angsty" or even embarrassed about our current situation. It's a wedding...there are unflattering dresses and free alcohol to cause all that. Looking back at all the nuptials I've attended in the past 4 years, going alone doesn't even come close to the "Top 10 most embarrassing moments." Those are reserved for foolishly purchasing my bridesmaid dress in Queens (You know what's appropriate in a church? Cleavage and booty.) and not realizing that a cameraman was documenting a word for word, fully choreographed version of me rapping "Baby Got Back." I'm lucky I DIDN'T have a date to witness that.

* Please DO NOT have what CNN considers a "fun table." Because all that translates into is me sitting with your 18 year old cousins and that weird family friend who acts like he has to, by law, inform the locals when he moves into a neighborhood. Guess what, if I'm important enough to be asked to and actually attend your wedding, you can be pretty sure that we have mutual friends. Please seat me with them. If our couple friends are so obnoxious together that I don't want to be at a table with them, well, we need new friends.

* Seriously, ban the chicken dance. Sure, don't have your reception ONLY contain slow songs, but I don't think I'm leaving my drink to do a dance best remembered through roller skating parties in the early 90's. Why don't you try some music that you would want to hear if you and your friends went out for a night of dancing? And if Bon Jovi isn't in the lineup, he's being requested. I practice my fist pump for moments like these.

1 comment:

adventuremeg said...

Lauren, I am so glad you're blogging. I am adding you to the list of blogs I check obsessively...and that's a compliment.